Depressed

Constant depression is killing me. Killing me softly with his song is the feeling that I am experiencing. I do not know what is happening to me. So many things going around my head but I can achieve nothing. Was depressed, and constantly depressing. Annoyed by small little things around me. Acted like a happy mad kid but actually was so depressed.

There are something going on inside me and I don’t think it’s a good thing. I want myself back but this seemed impossible. Had been listening to music and I thought this might sooth my feelings a little but this just wouldn’t work on me. Got more depressed after listening to music.

Dislike it when I tried to talk to my parents and what I got was just hysterical shouting. I really, am miserable towards my future. To be frank, I do not know what will happen to me in the future. I knew that when I got more matured, my parents got older too. And what if they suddenly died? I just couldn’t imagine myself getting older and then watching my love ones leaving me one by one.

Tried to read something, thinking that it might distract myself from thinking nonsense but it still doesn’t work. What is happening to me? I really do not know. Everything that seemed to be an enjoyment to the past me now becomes a new distraction toward my stupid emotions. Those feeling grew even stronger at night, when everyone falls asleep.

Wanted to talk to my sister, thinking that she might have got me some considerations or maybe comfort me but she just have so much of her own problems. Who can I talk to? And how to start? I really do not know that.

I have never encounter insomnia at all throughout my life until now. I have hard time getting good sleep since this month. I was trying to find a way to deal with it but they all just failed miserably. Maybe you don’t call that as insomnia, but I do. Used to sleep without any distractions in the past, but now, there are just too many dreams that kept haunting me. I do not quite remember what are those but I just could not get enough of sleep. Seemed like I was sleeping but I am actually having some sort of adventure in my dream, where my mind doesn’t rest even physic ally I am sleeping. I need some quality sleep.

Whenever I am walking alone, I am thinking of something. Where, I do not quite remember what I was thinking when I reached my destination. Asked myself, am I overstressed? Answer was no. Then why was I sad?

I am graduating soon, as a diploma holder. There are only 1 and a half years left for me in the college and soon I am going to be another freshman in the society. I used to have dreams, although they are constantly changing, but I was still grateful that I atleast have something to stick on. And now, well, they just miserably vanished. I am so lost. Do not know what to do after graduated from college. Now, what I am doing is hoping and praying to spend more time in college. I don’t want to grow up. When dad and mum asked, what is your plan after graduate? I asked them for more time.

And this is the end of my stupid emotions. Thank you if you spend time reading this nonsense until here. I think I just need time to cope with all this and I think I can make it. Sooner or later I will go back to the normal me, happy and cheerful all day long. If you are still reading and you have experienced all these nonsense, kindly leave me a comment. =)