Come back

So after heh-ing for so long, I think now is the time for me to come back and face the reality. Past few months were so lazy and yet torturous. The moment when I do not know what to do in life and kept on having insomnia was real bad. I was thinking nonsense. Afraid of everything. Grabbing hold of everything reachable withe the tightest clench. I do not know what is wrong with me and I just kept that on for like months. I do not know what to do and how to cope this. What was done was to run away.

Everyday for me was like waking up in dream. Its like I am dreaming and doing stuff in dream but then actually I am already awake and what was done was really done. I hate this kind of feeling. I thought maybe getting away from people might cure me, therefore I hide, only keeping in touch with a few close friends.

Until recently, things got worst. I lost my communication skills. I do not know how to express my feelings, telling people what I want. This ended up making people believe that I am an arrogant human being, not considerating others feeling. However, this is not the case. I couldn't even communicate to myself properly. How am I suppose to communicate with others?

Things got really out of control and I do not know how to cope. I just want everything to be OK. Maybe I should disappear for a while? Maybe everything will get better after my disappearance?

I really hope that things will get better ASAP. I don't wanna be living like a corpse, a living body without soul. I will and I will be back soon. Meanwhile, sorry if I've made you all worry. I still love everyone of you.