Brain poop

So I've always been having weird dreams recently. I'm not sure what all these even mean to me but it just freaked me out. I dreamt of being killed almost everyday. Well, certainly no one is not afraid of dying but that moment will inevitably come. But the thing is, that kind of feeling is so frightening and I couldn't cope.

Alright another issue. Am always having this song looping non stop in my head and it's really annoying. It comes whenever I need to study or concentrate. It's March in 2 days time and I am still not ready for exam at all. How am I suppose to do well in the exam? Most of my friends said I'm crazy as they have already started working or, married. I am still at the beginning of my life I guess? Yes, I am crazy. They are telling me something that you shouldn't treat studying as everything of your life and etc. But the thing is, studying and results do matter for me now. As for now.

But the issue is, I can't concentrate. Not being able to concentrate is like a disaster. And I am not quick enough. Whenever I have thought slipping through, I am not quick enough to make them into words and tadaaa they slipped off my mind and will never return. Yesterday I went to the library trying to study but I can't concentrate. I just couldn't. I got annoyed by people walking around me, annoyed by friends randomly saying hi to me, annoyed by the slightest move of my neighbour. I got annoyed by everything. And the slightest chit chatting alerts me. I wasn't like this last time. I could easily study wherever I want last time. But now, I have to sit down properly, take everything out and then off my phone before I could really start working things out. I got distracted when my family switch on the tv. It's not that they can't do it because of me, but can't they just do it after I locked myself in the room? And temperature as well. I can't study when its too warm. Is it me or is it really, the weather is too warm recently?

I have got no mood for a run even if I have really longed for one. Its really difficult for me to wake myself up in the morning and difficult to put myself to bed at night. I am having this very ver weird and complicated emotions everyday. Everyday I told myself that today will be a good day but ended up feeling shitty. I wanna ran away from everyone. Better off they don't talk to me for now whole month. But at time I felt like I have to talk to everyone. And when this moment struck, people are busy. People are busy with their life and no one is free to even care of this pathetic human here, screaming over nonsense, bothering or even lingering on random feelings. I need to learn how to concentrate ok, be good and till next time.